Ken looked puzzled when he asked “why are you crying?” I had not even noticed that my eyes had pooled with tears and one was slowly making its way down my cheek. He and I had just spent a day practicing, designing and training for his new workshop. I have been coaching Ken by phone for months while he worked through all the details and normal self-doubt around his new business “Dig your work”. Here he was… standing there inspired, full of confidence, in touch with his ability to profoundly change people’s lives and grinning from ear to ear.” Because this is why I do what I do” I shared.
Do you know how you feel when you have watched an inspiring movie about someone who against great odds accomplished something wonderful? I get to experience that feeling on a daily basis in my role as a business coach. What most of my clients do not realize because we talk by phone, is that I cry often. I cry when a client wins a new account. I cry when they hit their goals. I cry when they feel like quitting because I know they can do it. I cry in frustration when they can’t see who they are or remember what matters most to them. I cry when they discover what makes their heart sing. I cry when they quit coaching before they discover what they came for. Most of all I cry when they powerfully complete their journey with me as their coach.
Business people often enter our coaching programs frustrated, burnt out, overworked and yet determined. Determined to make a profit, create a synergistic team, and determined be a great leader. As well as have a joy filled balanced life! They often feel alone in their endeavor and yearn for a partner to bounce ideas off of, dialogue issues with and discover what they could be missing. Most of all they want someone to listen to them in a big way with complete faith in their abilities. To listen to them as someone who can actually accomplish what they are up to in their business and in their life. I get to be that person and I am honored.
I believe that people are so much bigger than their self-limiting beliefs, fears and problems. We are capable of far more than we can ever imagine on our own. Coaching stretches us and reminds us that something amazing is possible here. Something more can happen here. We have choices with this or that.
People who have never had a real coach (not trainer, mentor or consultant) often make the mistake of thinking that coaching is imparting knowledge, advice or wisdom. It is unfortunate for our new industry that so many trainers and consultants mistakenly use the word “coach”. Coaches are not the keeper of the “truth”, just the opposite actually. Coaches believe our clients know everything they need to know to be successful. My clients are the experts in their business not me. It is my job to elicit, provoke and nurture the conversations that lead the client to the result that they want.
Another misconception is that coaching is for people who are not successful. I say “How absurd?” Extraordinary people enter into a coaching relationship, not people who need help, have low self esteem or some other deficiency. Only an extraordinary person would recognize the wisdom of this type of relationship and be willing to place their ego aside for an ongoing authentic conversation. These extraordinary people will likely keep making the tears roll and my heart sing as I witness their greatness. I am truly blessed to have found this profession.
About the Author
As owner of Profit Consulting Co., Alicia has become a leader in the field of coaching, consulting and training for small business. She has designed more than 80 custom training programs for hundreds of business owners in a variety of industries across the country. Alicia is certified with International Coaching Federation and is an active member of World Association of business coaches.
Filed under: Training
Great leadership is one of the keys to long-term organizational success; so how come there seems to be such a shortage? In the corridors of political power, and in the boardrooms of large and small organizations, we regularly hear the questions: “Where is the inspired leadership we crave?”, “Where is our next generation of leaders coming from?”, “Where is the flair and inspiration we need to take us to the next level?”
If asked, you could probably say what ‘leadership’ is. Like everyone else, you’ve read the books and seen the leadership competency frameworks. You could clearly describe how it feels to be well and poorly led – you ‘know it when you see it’. But how many current great world leaders can you name off the top of your head? How many great leaders are there in your organization now?
Why do so many people, knowing what good leadership is, fail to demonstrate it themselves? The first place to look is in the learning environment where leaders are usually developed.
What They Didn’t Teach You about Leadership
1. There is an imbalance in leadership training. There is not enough emphasis on the skills, central to great leadership, of inspiring others with beliefs, vision, values and attitude; and too much emphasis on the importance of systems, planning, measurement, budgets, controls and procedures – in short, on management! Does any great leader ever manage people into following him? No, he inspires them, motivates them, keeps them in touch with the bigger vision – he leads them.
2. As a business leader, you have probably been well trained in logic and analysis. But a key leadership skill is the application of ‘emotional intelligence’ – the ability to know when things are ‘true’ or when they are ‘off’, when people are truly inspired, or just paying lip service. As a leader you need emotional intelligence to manage your own and others’ emotions, and you need skills appropriate to this task. Trying to do it by analysis and logic is about as effective as trying to drive a car by studying from a manual how the engine works.
3. People, especially in the business world, tend to avoid emotion – expressing it, dealing with it, looking at where it came from and its role in a situation. The rationale for not dealing with emotion, the very essence of leadership, is that all ‘this emotion stuff’ is ‘not professional’! Not so: it’s only ‘unprofessional’ to suppress emotion or express it inappropriately. When all ‘this emotion stuff’ is not explored and resolved in leadership groups, it always produces long-term tensions and political battles. These cause acute stress in individuals and cripple organizational effectiveness and efficiency. At the same time, they also destroy satisfaction, joy, fun, friendship, health, trust and a good night’s sleep!
4. Leadership skills like vision, inspiration and emotional intelligence can be trained on training courses – but it takes a different kind of course. In most leadership training programs you will see models of leadership discussed, followed by practical exercises that analyze logically what went right and wrong in a ‘leadership game’. It’s all familiar and fun, but what’s being taught are the elements that underpin leadership, not the essence of leadership.
How Can You Learn to ‘Do’ Great Leadership?
You need to be coached in leadership skills, over time, in real situations – ones that matter to you and where there is a chance of meaningful success or failure – by coaches who themselves demonstrate the skills. A life skill like leadership can’t be learned by numbers; you can’t read a book about it, learn a model or play a game that simulates a real life situation, and say you know anything about leadership. The greater the ‘distance’ your learning experience is from your real world experience, the less likely it is that the learning will be transferred to your everyday performance. You didn’t learn to drive by sitting in a classroom!
So you can only effectively demonstrate the skills of leadership when the situation calling for them is real. Get a coach who has the experience to produce leadership competence, and put yourself in a program where you are guided through real-time experience to learn leadership skills over time. Only this kind of approach will finally get you to the point where your leadership competence is as natural and instinctive as your driving ability!
About the Author
At Shine Consulting, we work with leaders who are consciously engaged in designing their organisations to be places where people: – are consistently passionate, inspired and committed – produce results well beyond the predictable norm In short, organisations that really shine! http://www.shineconsulting.co.uk
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Discovering Life Purpose is one of the most perplexing endeavors in human life…if you have no idea what your life purpose is. It can feel very furstrating, a bit like being the only one at the party who doesn’t get a joke. Here are some ideas on the topic:
1. Consider the possibility that Life Purpose may not be a single thing, but a continuum of purposes. You may not see how they are all connected until a later date.
2. Life purpose may not look as dramatic and huge as you expect. It may be small and subtle…so much so that you may be already involved in life purpose work or living and not realize it.
3. When you are considering multiple possibilities for your life purpose, always choose the one that “lights you up” the most when you think of it or engage in it.
4. If you are frustrated because you have many options and feel equal intensity toward each and cannot distinguish any one as more prominent, try each on for a short experiment. If you think being a writer is it, make a commitment to write 30 minutes a day every day for a week. At the end of the week, examine the experience. Did you write? Did you write every day? Did the writing flow easily? Were you excited “being a writer”? If your answers are no, that probably indicates that now is not the time in your life that writing is your life purpose. Perhaps you will later. Take the next option and devise a way to experiment with it for a week.
5. If you have some inklings of your life purpose, but no idea how to pursue it, you may want to hire a coach, find a mentor, or connect with an entrepreneur center/business incubator facility.
6. If you know aht you want to do, but currently support yourself with an exhausting, all consuming job, you’ll need to rearrange your life some. What works best is a “dual-pronged” approach. Find a way to leverage your current expertise in such a way that it provides income and time to work toward the life purpose work.
7. Work up a strategy on pursuing your life purpose. Break it down into a lot of very small and doable action steps. Start taking action.
8. Don’t get frustrated and give up. Pursuing the certainty on life purpose and actually living life purpose is worth the effort. It is very gratifying and satisfying.
9. You will recognize life purpose when you are doing it. Your inner core vibrates like a tuning fork, and you experience a feeling of light.
10. Letting go of the old and confortable (rut) can feel like jumping off a cliff when you’re not sure if your parachute’s working. Working strategically, with a well thought out plan takes most of the risk out of the process.
11. Taking one small step at a time on your plan alleviates the fear inherent in making such seemingly radical changes.
12. Realize that Excitement and fear feel a lot alike on the emotional scale. Just move fear into excitement. The satisfaction, direction, and sheer exhileration of fulfilling your life purpose soon takes over and fear is forgotten as you deepen momentum.
Know that living life purpose is the most gratifying way to live you life. It is worth the effort to discover it and to pursue it. Life becomes magical lived this way.
About the Author
Suzi Elton is a success coach working with highly creative types to create income that matches their talent.She has coached hundreds of clients to approach their goals strategically through tiny steps to bring about quantum leaps. Get free Life Purpose exercises, at http://mylifepurposecoaching.com.
There are four aspects of effective communication. Remember, not all communication is verbal. Actions, facial expressions, and posture all communicate a message. Some people unknowingly send the wrong message. There may be lots of questions you have unanswered and you need to communicate effectively to find the right information. Maybe you’re wondering “can i save my marriage“? or can i get that new job? or does so and so respect me? Communication and the right communication can be effective.
1. Discretion.
The dictionary defines discretion as being careful about what one says or does, or the ability to keep silent; regulated by one’s own choice. Discretion is a choice. It is a quality that you develop and master, becoming more discrete as you practice. Keeping quiet is the best way to practice. Talking too much is very destructive. High achievers have learned to guard their conversation carefully, knowing when to speak and when not to speak, what to say and what not to say.
2. Active Listening.
It is nearly always more profitable to listen than it is to speak. A good listener may hear something that will add to his collection of knowledge. Be attentive to what others say. You practice active listening by mentally repeating what the other party says a moment after he says it. You will stay alert and grasp the details of the conversation. This takes practice, but soon it will become a part of your everyday conversation.
3. Clarity.
Be clear with your words. Whenever you attempt to present an idea or the progress of a project, prepare what you say. Be clear, concise, and candid in every conversation. Allow your boss’s questions to carry on the conversation rather than your presentation.
4. Gain Understanding.
Don’t leave the conversation until you understand what is expected of you. Don’t feel unprofessional for asking your boss to explain what he wants from you. Write it down. This shows him that you are interested in doing what he says. Gaining a deeper and more clear understand will greatly enhance the final product.
Learning to communicate is crucial in the workplace environment. These are just four main aspects of effective communication. There are many more, but the point is to know with whom you are communicating. Everyone needs to be communicated with differently. Always ask yourself: How will they receive what I am trying to say? Step into their shoes, then make the decision to communicate or not.
Also, your body language consists of nearly 70% of all communication. How you posture greatly determines how yours words are received. This is a skill you must learn if you want to communicate effectively.
Take Action:
1. In what ways can you be more discrete?
2. How would you rate yourself on a scale of 1 to 10 as an effective listener? What can you do to improve your rating?
3. Always try to step into the shoes of those you are speaking with. Ask yourself, how will this effect them emotionally?
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Through this dynamic program, you will experience the results you’ve always wanted. With personal coaching, we look to solve the three most common problems you face as a leader:
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As a result of going through our personal transformation system, you will walk in freedom and peace in every area of your life, you will become crystal clear about what you want and how to get there, and you’ll experience fulfilling and lasting relationships.
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Filed under: Coaching
Life coaches can help I assure you. Do you ever feel like you are not making the right decisions in life? Do you feel as if every road you take leads to a dead end? Are you feeling uncertain about how you can get your life back on track? If so, you might want to enlist in the services of a qualified life coach.
Gaining Insight from a Life Coach
A life coach or personal coach is a person that is specially trained in helping other people make better life decisions. In some cases, a life coach may have gained most of his or her experience by simply going through rough times and having to make important life decisions. In other cases, a personal coach may have attended a university and received training in counseling and in the other areas of specialty that makes that person qualified to provide you with support and guidance. Regardless of the person’s training background, a life coach can help you get your life back on track or help you push yourself to the next level even if you are already feeling successful in life.
Selecting Your Life Coach
When selecting the personal coach that you want to work with, there are many things you should consider. While training is something that is of importance, it is even more important for you to find a life coach that you feel comfortable working with and talking to. After all, you will be spending a great deal of time talking with this person and you need to feel as if he or she is truly listening to you.
It is also a good idea to ask a potential personal coach to provide you with references that you can check. When calling these references, be certain to ask them how comfortable they were with the life coach, whether or not they felt the life coach offered a service that was valuable to them and what they think are the best and worst characteristics of the life coach. This way, you will be able to better determine if the person is a good match for you.
An Ongoing Process
One thing to remember when seeking a personal coach is the fact that he or she is not someone that you visit just a few times and then never see again. Rather, a life coach is meant to be someone that you can call upon throughout your lifetime in order to gain valuable insight and support when making important decisions in your life. Therefore, when looking for someone to be your personal coach, look for someone that is able to commit to providing you with professional guidance for years to come.
A life coach can be invaluable when it comes to making decisions in life. With the lifelong guidance of a personal coach, you can get the help you need to lead a more successful and fulfilling life.
There a variety of life coaching disciplines and types. You can find business life coaches, persoal, and other geared toward a particular area. There are financial such as a private forex mentor or stock market mentor, life planners, trainers, motivators and others. You can find a coach in your niche and get just what you are looking for. Best of luck.
There are coaching schools that teach you to become a coach that knows WHAT to do to become more fulfilled and successful.
However, the biggest problem with new coaches that are trying to build a coaching practice (especially the ones that I meet in my coaches training) is getting clients MOTIVATED to take action.
My ‘Motivation Magic Bullet’ is called the “JOLT” Technique.
The steps:
1. “me too”:
You have to have rapport before you go in and “jolt” your client.
YOU WANT TO LISTEN a lot during this section.
…Then, compliment them.
You might say, “Sally, I commend you for your honesty because most people aren’t honest about their problems. What has allowed you to be so honest about this?”
I did three little steps in that compliment:
First, I stated what I appreciated, her honesty.
Second, I used the word “BECAUSE”, it’s an internal trigger that makes them listen and believe what you are saying. Then I justified why I was complimenting her.
Third, I asked her a question, which shows a level of INTEREST.
This gets you a deep level of rapport, (a “me too” with your client).
2. HONESTY:
Tell them whatever it is that is on your mind. Use the exact words that go through your head. Don’t edit.
Say something like, “Your life’s a MESS. You’re being a JERK to your family. Beyond that, you’re being LAZY.”
You’re going to say things that people DON’T WANT TO HEAR.
You’re breaking repore in this section, and that’s part of the “jolt”. You’re starting to jar them from their habitual pattern.
DON’T soften it or edit it, DON’T make it friendlier. Most coaching schools would have you do that, which would kill the “jolt”.
Sally will start to think, “What the heck is this? I better listen up.”
3. PAIN & PLEASURE:
Next, help them associate massive PAIN to not changing, and massive PLEASURE to changing.
Ask questions like, “How does it feel that things are going badly with your family? How does it feel that you are broke?”
Then give them the PLEASURE.
You could say, “If you change this, how would you feel? Would you feel more proud? Would you feel more confident?”
They are going to start to associate PAIN to not changing and PLEASURE to changing. Now you are someone with coaching skills that provides real motivation!
4. Commit to an ACTION.
Many coaching schools WILL teach coaches to get their clients to commit to one action that they’ll take as soon as possible. This last step in the “jolt” technique is a key coaching skill.
Let’s review this “jolt” technique one more time:
The first step (the repore step): “me too”
The second step: HONESTY and the “JOLT”
The third step: PAIN and PLEASURE
Fourth: ACTION
This is a simple formula that we teach in our coaches training, but the good news is that as coaching skills go, it’s a simple one.
I hope you learned something valuable, but I also know that people learn visually. To help even more, I have created a video about this technique @ coachestrainingblog.com On this site, free videos will also help you to explode your coaching business fast. – Go here: coachestrainingblog.com
Jeffrey T. Sooey is the CEO of JTS Advisors, a boutique advisory firm offering full focus support to a select clientele. Get a free video about this and other coaching techniques @ http://www.coachestrainingblog.com Discover how to explode your coaching business fast.
